this actually just happened on my facebook.

call all of your crazy friends and tell them.


please don't.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/roo/934962170.html

the other day i had a memory about my ex that was so terrible that it made me cancel out every nice thought that i ever had about him and swear that if i ever saw him again i'd give him "the business."
this is of course way different than what i'd normally do of being cordial and polite and then walk away quickly talking the most liquidy of diarrhea about him.
if i ever see one of his friends that i actually liked, i won't pretend he was a tortured soul that i couldn't handle and wish him the best.
i'm gonna fucking call him out.
yes.
i will be that crazy bitch girlfriend.

and the most fucked up thing is, i can't remember what it was that got me so pissed.
and what's more fucked up than that is that everytime i try to think of something awful, whatever i think of is not it!
it's something else! and then i get upset that i can't remember it!
but then i get even more upset that it was something just as horrible, if not worse.
oh, if only i could remember.

i mean, i know he was bad, but i wouldn't allow myself to give in.
"but what about all of the good stuff and good times that we had?"
NO.
STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF LADY.

please compare all of the horrible things that he did to you or said to you, to the horrible and mean things that Geo has done or said to you.
ok.
what?
Geo doesn't have a mean bone in his body.
it's why he's so squishy.
[wait... robots are not squishy!]

please compare all of the semi-nice and confusing, and a bit back-handed compliments given ever against all of the wonderful things that Geo has said or done for you in just one day.

how many times has Geo ever yelled at you?
this does not count any time in which either one of your are drunk and he's trying to yell louder than you.
Geo can't even pretend to be mad...

see, lady.
this guy was an asshole and you should stop wasting your energy trying to remember what horrible thing it was that he said or did.
you finally got a man that drops as much science as he does compliments.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Her reality show should ensure that she
never works again in her day job. So which
US actress's previous career was as a
high-class Hollywood hooker? And one of the
things that made her hate her ex-husband
was that he was happy to tell friends
about it.

my co-worker was having a bad day.
i asked her if i could cheer her up.
she said i could cheer her up.
i told her i would make something to cheer her up.

armed with a sharpie and a pre-printed company envelope, this is what immediately followed:



the best part is that i showed it to my supervisor, and she was like "why's that guy got a star on his face?"
i miss her, she's on vacation.

next day added note: (originally posted June 26, 2008, 18:42) last night i did karaoke with jaybrennan and geo [the boyfriend] and we sang God Gave Rock and Roll to You. and we dedicated it to George Carlin. in fact, we said "Put it in the soo-uull of George Carlin!"
but lemme ask you this... i always thought it was "we have been given a role, and the name of that role is..." but when i looked up the lyrics to make sure i had them in the right order and stuff for the pic, every lyric site said "road" and that's why i wrote that. are they correct? i mean it doesn't make as much sense or sound cheeky.

ok... bye.

i was just playing this game called "who's younger?" or older... or something.

the pictures are randomly generated.
lookee.
i came across this gem!




FREEZEY FREAKIEZ HI-TEKEKEKEKEKEKEK!

how we got onto the subject of this, not entirely too sure, but...

if you had to chose cartoon characters to be on your zombie survival team, who would you pick?

we went through a lot of characters.
here's my team:

batman.
the x-men.
aeon flux.
the real ghostbusters.
the maxx.


and as much as you want to add jem of jem and the holograms fame, how the fuck effective is synergy going to be against zombies?

co-worker lady.: who says "okey dokey artichokey?"
dezh.: i say "okey dokey harry ioki." but that's just me...
co-worker jenny.: who's that...

I'M GONNA FUCKING DIE!
whoever the sadistic fuck is that decided to put don't want to lose you on the hold music is gonna fall down some stairs and once they are down for the count, i'm gonna come in and break their kneecaps.


don't get me wrong, i love gloria estefan, but that song...
OY.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
i went on a cruise!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i don't think i made any resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
my job is a regular baby factory.
i think at least 5 girls this year.
maria stopped by the office with her new kid.
i missed it!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

5. What countries did you visit?
i went to mexico.
but i don't think it was mexico, i think it was a corona commercial.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
more will and motivation to be more active.
and active means walking around more, getting some exercise.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
santacon.
paddy's day, not for good reasons.
the date that lizeht came back, an awesome hockey game happened, and a boy that i liked finally told me he liked me back.
and not that i remember the exact date, but the day that Kids In Danger [K.I.D.] and Ian Gets Banned were created.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
proving people wrong.
they know who they are.

9. What was your biggest failure?
what brought me to the point of having to prove those people wrong...

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
um... do you know the pain and suffering i've been going through for the past 2 weeks?

11. What was the best thing you bought?
new computress.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
chryse's.
i say her because i've gotten to spend a lot of time with her this year.
and hung over days on her couch are the best!

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
first, are you canadian?
really. the entire relationship of the tyranny.
it should've never gone that far.

14. Where did most of your money go?
booze.
food.
music.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
santacon.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2007?
ignition, the remix.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier. although, this year kinda sucked. but i'm ok now.
b) thinner or fatter? i'm a lardo!
c) richer or poorer? i got my increase.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
more sober days.
more activeness.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
there were some badly boozed days.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
boozing it up with the fam.
omg, a pattern.
and then hanging out with jaybrennan and anthony exchanging real gifts and cutthroat santa gifts.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
gotta pretty it up for elena's house!

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
nope.

23. How many one-night stands?
oy, vey.
two?
i don't think one of them counts as one, but it will never happen again...
THANK GOD.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
aside from most reality tv shows...
heroes and it's always sunny in philadelphia.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I wouldn't say I hate anyone. I've been disappointed by a few people, but I don't hate them.
[yeah, liz. there are people who i didn't dislike last year or disliked, but were far under the radar of dislikism and now i dislike them a whole bunch.]

26. What was the best book you read?
love in the time of cholera.
mona lisa overdrive.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
css, dub trio, aqueduct, andrew bird, lupe fiasco, the cloud room, and los campesinos!

28. What did you want and get?
i got a new computress.
and out of a bad relationship.

29. What did you want and not get?
karl urban.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
i dunno.
i saw a bunch in the theater this year.
in the theaters, prolly, no country for old men.
oh, day watch gets a mention.
it's was bonkers!
and a shoutout to superbad.
on the tv, little miss sunshine, kiss kiss bang bang.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 27 and i had a party the week later at redd's. it was awesome.
the midnight of my actual birthday was spent with conor's crew doing the Brooklyn Fett thing.
too many of those volcano zombie drinks left me with a hangover.
day of, i went to my grammy's house and left soon after.
got home and decided to watch PATHFINDER.
because karl urban is so fucking hot.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
if i could figure out my direction in life...

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
skirts.

34. What kept you sane?
not too much.
i think that's the problem.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
um, some dood from new zealand.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
that senator with the airport bathroom thing.
my mom watched the matt lauer interview.
it was just kinda sad to see so much time devoted to a guy that was outright denying and avoiding every accusation.
i would yell at matty lauer, but he's a great supporter of my company...
now, i am the outrage!

37. Who did you miss?
the uzh.
col-col, lizard, laur, denise, and now... the boy.
he comes back on wednesday!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
sections 208/209 at the new devil's arena!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
i'm the only one that's gonna look out for me.
well, and my mom.
she's good peoples.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
it's a tie.

bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce.
bounce, bounce, bounce.

OR.

day man!
fighter of the fight man!
champion of the sun!
you’re a master of karate and friendship!
for everyone!

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments.. what is it?
1. Produce: string beans.
2. Bakery: pita or whole wheat english muffins.
3. Meat: salmon steaks!
4. Frozen: one of those venetian ice cream cakes.
5. Dry goods: brown rice.

Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what's in your bag?
1. jeans.
2. tee.
3. hoodie.

If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?
1. fuck.
2. shit.
3. how exciting!
4. OH MY GOD.
5. i hope she/he/they/it falls down the stairs [usually followed by a height, depending on how mad i am like "the top of the stairs, too!" or "ok. only down one step..."]

So, what 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you probably wouldn't be in the best mood?
1. watching tv.
2. listening to musics.
3. eat.

Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
1. nap.
2. Happy Penis Fun Time [i'm just keeping gonadsandstrife's answer because it made me smile.]
3. watching a movie or tv.
4. walking around the city.
5. playing on the computress.

We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
1. monkeys.
2. anything that involves petting.
3. bears.

You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick between 4, so what are you deciding between? (Can these be non-talk shows?)
1. you mean i can watch 24 get taped?! AWESOME.
2. law & order:svu.
3. project runway.
4. it's always sunny in philadelphia.

You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?
1. hagen daas dark chocolate chocolate ice cream bars. PUT IT ON THE DAMN CONE!
2. sweet cream from coldstone.
3. phish foods.

Somebody stole your purse/wallet...in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?
1. elvis driver's license.
2. gift cards to urban outfitters, keihl's, and lush.
3. oh, purse too? inaugural season puck from the ROCK.
4. a note that momals wrote to me thanking me for lending her my bag. it was a really good note.
5. a design magazine like Ready Made, Dwell, or Blueprint.

You are at a job fair, and asked what areas you are interested in pursuing a career in. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?
1. empress of the planet earth.
2. queen of all horror movie actresses.
3. revenge.
4. dj.

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?
1. stay in school.
2. i
3. regret
4. nothing else.

this is bullshit.
why can't my weapon of choice be an axe?
and don't worry, they want you to tivo 24.

there was just some thing on the news about 20 cats discovered in a house and how they were all malnourished and some of them were really super sick.
and then they showed one that had crusties all over his eyes.
also, mom really likes jesus.

me.: [sad] oh, he has crusties, poor thing!
mom.: BWAHWHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!
me.: WHAT!?!? YOU CAN'T LAUGH AT THE POOR KITTY!
mom.: [tries to make her point, but it's lost in all her giggles.]
me.: YOU BETTER STOP LAUGHING AT THAT KITTY! HE CAN'T WIPE THE CRUSTIES OFF BECAUSE HE HAS NO THUMBS! [laffs.]
mom.: BUUUUUUWAHHAHAHAHHA!
me.: YOU BETTER STOP LAUGHING, OR I'M TELLING JESUS! jesus did not create kitties to be laughed at! he created them for CUTE!!!
mom.: [still laughing] he'd be laughing with me too!
me.: JESUS DOES NOT LAUGH AT KITTIES.

[mom runs away cackling.]


later.
mom's in her room.
mom.:[SNEEZE]
me.: i would bless you, but jesus wouldn't have it!
mom.: ahahahahaha!

electric six!

i really hate the days that you feel the need to push new artists that record companies have paid you to play.
it's ok when i get the intro to an occasional hilary duff song.
i know that will be the only time this week.
but whoever the fuck paid you off to continuously play Polly Paulusma needs a fucking piranha enema. a pirenhema if you will.
i'm serious.
i'm sure that in another world, i would probably like that acoustic lilith fair shit. and this is why i will not give her a bad ranking.
i guess it's my fault...
but no.
because seriously, you make me listen to her 10 times a day.
no lie.
sometimes the same fucking song.

launchcast.
don't make me hate you.
let's remember the days when you constantly play depeche mode and then it's magnetic fields right after real life and then followed by tahiti 80 interjected with a fierce wesley willis sweetened only by the 2 skinnee j's reminding us that pluto is in fact a planet.

don't make me rank that bitch at X.


oh look.
you love me.
it's a good song off of the new minus the bear.

let's keep it that way.


thanks and blessings.

elena has some juicy judgemental [on my end] to tell me.
she says to check my gmail in five minutes.
we're quiet. i start telling her my woes of the new comptress i have just acquired. she joins in and then says...

"wait, you can't talk to me. i'm writing you an email."


oh. 84th street.
i will miss you.

i spoke with a woman on the phone today.
her name was seriously...
COREY FELDMAN.


good night!

no, seriously.
i hate ohnotheydidnt sometimes because i don't ever know what these people are talking about.
they just call celebrities by their names and sometimes don't share pictures.
like one day they were talking about relient k or some shit.
is that even a band?
are they considered to be famous?
i don't understand.
i saw the picture and the first names of band members and was like "who the fuck are these people?"

so today this happened.
it was originally under an lj cut so there were no pictures. sadly, i know who that guy is because i watch the disney channel for gripping and educational shows like kim possible and the emperor's new school.

anywho...
it's all about this paragraph.

"My bestfriend got Corbin's bestfriends number. (his dad produced the Lizzie McGuire show, and is Corbin's manager) He got us backstage passes to the San Francisco show. So we drive 11 hours to see these kids. We ended up chilling with Corbin, his dancers, and his dad ON HIS TOUR bus before and after the show in his dressing room. He's the sweetest person ever. He said they're will be a High School Musical 3 next year. Aly & Aj weren't the friendliest, but hey maybe they were just pmsing right?! ;]"


gah!
follow the links, bros!

my arms are up and at 'em!

so this happened over there at the overheard.

Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners

Creepy Casanova: Want to hear the worst pick up line ever? 'Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?'

--Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: LSB


and then, this comment happened:
hahahah, i go to bronx science and i can totally imagine that being said.


stfu.
that shit was also funny back 10 years ago when some other fucking kids went there.
that shit was funny when some asshole said that to me at brooklyn tech.
that shit was funny in 1972 at podunk university in bumblefuck, indiana.

however, it was not funny in 1964 in roanoke, va.
no sir. it was not.


i first read that overheard and couldn't believe that it made it considering how old that shit is and it didn't have anything accompanying it.
i mean, where was the friend saying "smooth move ex-lax!" when he crapped out?
i'll tell ya this much, parker and mikey would not have allowed that shit to go down.
[added note.: i didn't notice all of the poo puns here. i didn't mean for them to happen. i embrace my potty mouth.]


ps.
HOW STOKED AM I THAT LAUNCHAST IS PLAYING THE 2 SKINNEE J'S - RIOT NRRRRD!?!?!??!

pps.
that shit was funny back when 2 skinnee's wrote a song about it.
well, they didn't write a song about it. but i wouldn't be surprised if they actually did when they were playing shows at columbia and all the orignal members were in the band and they spelled it something like too skinny jays or some shit.

ppps.
fuck science.

pppps. it's a sentimental journey.